Thursday, February 4, 2010

Michelle Obamygodweloveyou

It's no secret that President Obama's approval ratings are in the proverbial toilet. Although a quick Google search shows that Obama's 57% is, gasp!, the same number that Ronald Reagan held after his first year. Like Reagan, who made unpopular decisions like raising taxes, Obama has had to make some tough, and yes, unpopular choices. Though Fox News somehow spins this number to wreck the Reagan-Obama comparison, often by shoving loony propaganda at its rabid, blood-thirsty viewers, for example that Obama was spawned from Chairman Mao's turd in a real toilet. I'm pretty sure Glenn Beck said that once. I don't know, it could've been a dream because Beck haunts mine frequently. For fun banter on this subject--the subject of Fox News' Korea-like propaganda, not my dreams--check out Jon Stewart on The O'Reilly Factor last night.

Ok, I don't want to go on a rant here, but I'm all worked up now. It's a good thing the geniuses at Fox News think they're, in whatever small way, doing god's work. Otherwise I think it be would extremely difficult, with the crap they shovel out day after day, to look at their bald, pasty selves in the mirror. Ok, that's not fair, rational people are sometimes bald too, and most people on the planet, both rational and irrational, black and white, are pastier than the borderline-blackfaced John Boehner. You know it's time to cut down on the self-tanner when you would fit in perfectly as The Situation's body double on the Jersey Shore. A picture is necessary here.

What was this post about again? Right...Michelle, here we go: despite Barack's abominably low 57%, also known as slightly less than average 57%, especially for a president presiding over two unpopular wars, Michelle is still riding high at a cool 70% approval rating. America loves her, why is that? Well, Americans love celebrities, that's part of it. No I take that back, Americans are freakishly, terrifyingly obsessed with celebrities, and that is the whole of it. The gaga popularity of Michelle reinforces this because, well, she's really not that interesting. She doesn't let her junk hang out and be photographed; she doesn't go to rehab; she didn't shoot anybody; and she's a black person not named Beyonce. So it's weird that she's such a celebrity. Then again, it's not that weird because we love people in the spotlight, and there's not much about Michelle to disapprove of--except that she didn't pose in a bikini for her 100-Hottest Women spread in Maxim. And if she wants to stoke the celebrity flames even more, she should distance herself from El Presidente, whose ice-cold, B-list approval numbers threaten to cramp Michelle's Taylor Swift-like dominance on the pop-charts of Americans' hearts. Sorry for the cheesiness, I get like that when I'm smitten.

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